let’s stop blaming stakeholders

When I first started freelancing in 2015, I thought my biggest challenge would be crafting the right visuals, finding the right clients, and maybe remembering to send invoices on time.

 

It wasn’t.

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The real challenge - the one nobody really warns you about - was communication. Not just talking to clients, but handling them: managing expectations, guiding their feedback, and navigating those awkward “Can you make the logo bigger?” moments without rolling your eyes.

 

Somewhere along the way, I stumbled across a book called How to Become a Freelancer Without Losing Your Soul. One chapter left a lasting impression on me. It pointed out something we rarely talk about:

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"The poor old client is often masked out of design history and journalism, not to mention critical and theoretical discourse. If clients are mentioned, it is usually as an amorphous, barely tolerated and reactionary force, and it is rare for them to be publicly congratulated for their sponsorship, patronage, or encouragement of good design.”

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We tend to frame clients as blockers, not enablers. But the reality is, without their support, guidance, and yes - funding - most design work wouldn’t exist. If we want more respect for our craft, maybe we need to start by showing more respect for theirs.

Clients and Stakeholders: Same Energy, Different Titles

 

Years later, after moving from freelancing into a large corporate team, I realized something odd: everything that book said about clients still applies - but now it’s about stakeholders.

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Whether you're a solo freelancer working with clients or a full-time designer navigating corporate structures, the dynamic is eerily similar. Both groups:

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• Have strong opinions

• Want results, but often can’t articulate what “good” looks like

• Don’t fully understand what research involves or why it matters

• Struggle to express what they’re thinking

• Rely on us to guide the process

 

The roles may differ, but the relationship depends on the same thing - not just your skill, but how you manage the collaboration. And here’s the key: even though clients and stakeholders share similar traits, no two stakeholders are the same.

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Designer and writer Adrian Shaughnessy put it perfectly:

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“So how should we deal with clients? <...>They all need something different: this one needs deference, this one is obsessed with value of money and revenues, this one is suspicious of designers and unconvinced by arguments about value of good design, this one is a frustrated designer and wants to be involved in every decision, this one is an enlightened and vigorous supporter of design and designers.”

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And the point lands hard:

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“The fact that no two client are the same means that designers have to be hyper-attentive to the individual needs of individual client.”

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And that’s where many designers get it wrong.

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What makes a stakeholder difficult isn’t their ignorance—it’s our failure to meet them where they are.

This is exactly why cookie-cutter communication doesn’t work. Good stakeholder handling isn’t just about having a process—it’s about knowing who you’re dealing with and adjusting your approach accordingly.

The Analogy That Changed Everything

Adrian Shaughnessy made a bold comparison. It might sound controversial:
 
“Clients are like dogs.
If you feed them, care for them, and respect their nature, they’ll trust you.
If you ignore them, patronize them, or leave them out, they’ll bite.”

It sounds harsh, but the point is about cause and effect. Trust isn’t automatic - it’s earned through behavior. If we want engaged, respectful stakeholders, we have to treat them that way. Not as obstacles. Not as interruptions. But as collaborators. 

 

There’s a saying I hear often in design circles: “We just need to educate the stakeholders about what we do and how we do it.” But over time, I started to wonder—what if that’s backwards? What if we need to educate ourselves about them?

 

Some of the best stakeholders I’ve worked with didn’t know the difference between UX and UI. They didn’t speak in design terms. But they knew their business, their users, and their goals. And honestly? That’s more valuable to a designer than them knowing what a wireframe is. 

What Good Handling Actually Looks Like
 
Most project pain isn’t caused by “bad feedback” from stakeholders - it comes from poor management of the relationship. And that’s on us.

Here’s what I’ve learned (often the hard way):

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• Set clear expectations early. Vague scopes create vague deliverables.

• Listen first, design second. Every stakeholder is different - adopt their language.

• Lead the process. Don’t expect them to guide you. Show them the path.

• Establish equal partnership. You’re not just a pair of hands - you’re a thought partner.

• Check in often. Silence breeds confusion. Keep them informed.

• ​Balance business needs with user needs through negotiation and alignment

• Respect their voice - but own the vision. Listen, adapt, but also explain your decisions.

This isn’t about people-pleasing. It’s about shared clarity. And when that’s missing, even the best designs fall apart.

The “Unnecessary Feedback” Spiral

We’ve all been there: you spend hours crafting a thoughtful solution, only for a stakeholder to ask, “Can we move this button?” or “Let’s rethink the whole layout.” You might think: They don’t get it. They don’t have enough evidence or arguments. They’re ruining the work. But before you go there, ask yourself:
 

• Did I explain the reasoning behind my choices?

• Did I explain what I was doing during the research phase?

• Did I invite them in early - or just drop research and results without context?

• Did we agree on what success means and what I intended to deliver?

Design is collaborative. But collaboration needs structure. Otherwise, feedback feels like chaos - and change feels like sabotage. The older I get, the more I believe this: The real work of design isn’t just pixels, flows, or research. It’s relationships.

The best work I’ve done wasn’t the most visually stunning or the most innovative - it was the work where I had alignment with the people I was building it for. Where we trusted each other. Where we talked like humans. Where we shared ownership.